sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
