Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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