There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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