so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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