Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
