I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
