stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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