i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
