fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
