put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
