I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
