i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
