She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
