i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
