I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
