Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
