So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
