My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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