so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
