I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
