i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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