umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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