If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
