my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
