Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
