Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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