and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
