i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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