You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
