Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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