I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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