I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
