Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
