Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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