you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
