Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
