i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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