What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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