fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
