I wish they made helmets for livers.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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