you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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