Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
