I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
