note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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