Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
