next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
