He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
