i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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