put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
