Banned from zoo.
Again?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
