I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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