I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
