fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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