If that was your dad, he is hot
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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