I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
