He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
