think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
