I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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