I want to stick my p in your. b.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
