Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
