As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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