i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
