two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
