I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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